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29 septiembre Lets Get High Like We Are 9 Years OldToday we know our children face hardships in this big screwed up world but lucky for you it has just gotten harder because of what you are about to read! As a parent or common citizen you owe it to our children to read this and educate your community, its there too even in Panorama Hills! At the end of this leave a comment about what action you are willing to take, and I hope out of the 82 friends at least 50 of you are willing to help save our children! Yesterday I was walking with Sophia to the play ground and the boys had ridden there bikes ahead of us, I noticed a child laying on the fatal position on the ground he seemed to be hurt, so I ran over to him to find he was knocked out cold. I called to the kids playing demanding to know what had happened, and was told "Dusty" beat him up and jumped all over his head and body! I screamed to them run and get his mom and tell to call an ambulance , the kids ran and did so. This child was only 9 and "Dusty" was only 11 years old. His grandmother showed up three minute later and she stopped and hollered " Oh my god is he dead " She could not come over until I assured her he was passed out but breathing. He went to hospital and that's all I know. The Police were called and because " Dusty" was only 11 he was warned and back at the park an hour later! I told my kids and there friend they would need to come home and play there. At home my kids told me "Dusty" is nice but he smokes. I asked them if the kids smoke pot too but they laughed and said " no, but a lot of kids like FreBreeze though"! At first I was like " what the hell is Frebreeze" I assumed it was code for pot or something, and after further discussion I realized they mean the house hold air freshener Frebreeze. The kids go to the back of the ELEMENTARY school and huff Frebreeze, they think its fun, they Huff Dust Off, it makes them laugh and they fall down and they some time have there eyes roll to the back of there heads and act weird. Now at this point I am in full on panic, wondering why I had never heard of that, especially since we all know I lead a wild life and was pretty street smart. Its because its our society's dirty little secret and I for one plan to blow this secret sky high just like those children are. This is not like Pot its worse and far more accessible for our kids. The brain actually gets the message your drowning, and send the body into a panic but the loss of oxygen cause the feeling of being "high" and it has already killed kids the first time they inhale it! Please educate your selves and your neighbours and lets find a way to save our kids. Parents are gone all the time, the kids are angry scared and feeling alone. While we make money and work to have a nice home like the "Jones's" and if it is not something you think will happen in your little fancy hard working world, I hope your kids will forgive your choice to be ignorant! Here is a valuable link http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/dustoff.asp If you do not have kids and feel it does not effect you, you are dead wrong! Help me take action and honestly do something to stop this, our kids should be playing at the park not watching people act retarded as they kill themselves. These are good children who obviously feel alone and board and honestly can you blame them? Adults spend more time making money then they do raising there children! Please frwd this and help me. Its in Calgary and in good neighbour hoods too, thank you. Chantelle 27 septiembre Enough Of The Fellings AlreadyWhat is going on here ? I am looking at my last blog post and feeling like how can you go from being that excited to so afraid again in only hours? Don't get me wring, I am still excited about the future and proud of the crap I have overcome, but its the whole stupid relationship thing I am finding hard to deal with today.
I am on two different levels at the same time... on one hand I am realistic about how bad it was of him to cheat and lie, and I do believe I deserve better and then on the other hand I am feeling a bit sick because I miss the good parts of "Joe", and this am I almost called him to tell him about an email I received about him. But it was a shock to the chest remembering its over, he is gone and you cannot call him.
I am honestly growing tired of this stuff, as I am sure anyone who regularly reads this is also :) Why do I have to feel like crap for so long? I try to block it out and focus on the great things I have going but every once and a while I just feel horrible about missing him and him not missing me. Would I feel better if I knew he felt like shit? Or if I knew he was dealing with similar feelings? Maybe but its not something I actually want anyone to feel ever, even if your caused someone else to feel this way.
Suppose its just part of life, its not a very nice part and at anytime it can end and I will be grateful. Do you think its normal to wish that same person who broke your heart would just say sorry and show up with flowers ? Its an odd little fantasy I have had off and on since this whole break up happened. But what does that say about me? Not very much on self worth and while I am fully aware of this, its getting easier just still hurts. 25 septiembre Excited about life :)While I thought life was horrible being broken up with "Joe" it really is better for me and my beautiful children, the stress of waiting for a person to show up after being late, the anger I would go through was so unfair to myself and everyone around me but it is over. Finally some security from the best source, myself and I am so proud and ready to face this big world with out the weight of "Joe" !
Schools set up for me and I start next week, its all comming together and its ironic how the thing I felt was so important to me was holding me back for some reason, and I am finally able ready to make a life for myself. So my advice to anyone who felt as I did when I was suffering from a broken heart is to remember the saying " when one door closes another one opens" . Its ok to be single and not interested in sleeping with anyone, and thank god I have realized this.
"Joe" has another girl friend but she has already been lied to by him, so that is very sad for her, hopefully she will become smarter then I was and get a real man who can make her happy and love her as much as she deserves.
Life goes on, from here on in, so will I.
Cheers 17 septiembre Welcome to my break up :(* Please NOTE this was how I felt not how I feel, "Joe" was dirty and I feel better knowing what he did behind my back and that I am safer without him and his multiple sex partners.*
Today marks a fresh new day in this wonderful world we call home, except it feels a little less than fresh and a little less than wonderful! I think its finally the end of a long relationship for me and "Joe" (not his real name) and while I feel ok sort of, I feel afraid of moving on with out the comfort of knowing he is there for me .
The weather is starting to turn and the thought of a winter alone, with out our trips to Timmy's makes me so sad inside. My relationship with Joe is one I actually cherished although fear of something prevented me from showing full on how much he meant to me. Although people who claim to be my friends seem to think he is better gone! What could they possibly know about what I really felt if I wouldnt even be open to accepting him? It also that same stupid gaurd that I had up that I hope will help me feel less hurt and sad. Each time I attempt to justify my actions I only see what an ass I have ben, not that Joe was perfact...opps there I go again, justifying my behavior.
Reality sucks, its hard to admit you were a jerk and accept you actually did something that made someone not want you in there lives at all. Its a hard pill to swallow, I just wish I could make it better.
However, I am realising the only way to make it better is to let him go and live a normal life away from me and my stupid uptight gaurded heart. He is the kind of man whome I believe would give me a 44th chance if I begged but his hearts gone and you can see it in his eyes.
So at the risk of looking like a loser I am going to blog my heart out and tell it like it is. Feel free to stop reading if you like:)
What am I afraid of ? I am afraid that no one else will work as hard as this man did to truly understand me and my many quirks. I am afraid of this horribley loney feeling sticking around too long. I am afraid that someone else will see what I saw in this man and be brave enough to show him how important he is. That is really selfish and I know that but that is how I feel, and I have to be honest for once. I am afraid that my life with out him will be just a life nothing more then work kids bullshit between friends and I will never feel my heart warm around another man.
I am even more afraid not tell him I am so sorry , but at this point it seem fruitless to do so. I instead though up a brilliant plan...I decided to tell him I was fine with this and hope he finds what he is looking for. I told him infact I had alreeady reconnected with a friend from my past and that I was over it. Fucking brilliant hey! Agggha!
So now that I have officially fucked up my life why am I so sad and honest to gad feeling my heart truly break? I guess I could always keep on pretending and cry when I am alone at night. But if someone has any better ideas let me now. And no he wont read this, he isnt into my blog and I have not wriiten one for ayear so there isnt any possible way he will read this.
Thank you for letting me blog my heart out and please dont pretend your not madly in love with a person just so you wont get hurt or let down.
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