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30 octubre What a trip its been....A roller coaster, your start at the bottom and some how get pulled up, up, up to the top of the track. The whole way up you feel excited and hope you wont fall, you look down because you are sure your held safley where you should be. As you get to the top you get that feeling in your stomach, the feeling of dread excitment and thrill and before you can understand these feelings you feel the gravity take hold as your dropped. You fall down holding on to whatever you can find and you scream. You never just get dropped once because you pulled so high up when you fall the force pulls you up again and down and around until your sure to puke! FInally the ride slows and you feel relief a relief because your alive and it was a rush and what do you do next? You make the dicision to go back in the long line up to do it again!
Its the same thing we do with love... love the risk, the thrill the excitment only to feel some panic or fear of falling! We know the possibility of a crash is always there no matter how rare they tell you it is, we choose to trust them and we do it again and again again! The crazy part is I am looking forward to the ride again. How nutts is that my heart was crushed I cried for honestly days and hurt so badly. I stopped crying Saturday though, it was time for me to feel safe with me. I also have some sweet new friends who have helped me feel better and even feel like the fox I really am! So thank you to all of you for your great messages and comments I will always remember them.
In the mean time I am going to find some ways to have fun while I wait in this long line for my next turn on the rollercoaster we call "love" .
See you there  28 octubre On My Own .... thanks Corrina :)This song really took on a whole new meaning, afterbeing in a car with 2 other freshly single female friends. They rocked out to it in the car and it made being single so much more fun:) 22 octubre What a great lifeThis weekend I was almost overwhelmed feeling of true honest friends. I went roller skating with my friends and our kids but the moms were most excited lol, we laughed endlessly. I then went and slept over with them and it was fun to belong. I finally belong and it is so healing, if you have ever felt lost. Then Saturday night an reallly old ex from like 15 years ago came by to talk and catch up. We laughed and it was so comfortable to get all excited about this film. He and I never really dumped one a nother just headed different directions, or so I thought! I found out he stopped calling me becuse my sort of brother told him not to call me again and I would call him if I wanted to. Poor guy, I had no idea and we were so young. He was as charming and as respectful as ever infact my legs are the legs that turned him into a leg man lol. I look forward to seeing him again.
And finally a old friend, my Vicki< called me
 She is like my mom grandmother anf friend all in one. We had a falling out two years ago my fault but I have cried many times from missing her, and she is back ! I am so grateful to god for that one!!! My children just ador her too.Honestly a month ago I was heart broken freaking out about the end of the world after discovering my bf cheated and left me. I felt sick for weeks but kept on going. I honestly beilieve god is looking out for me. I have been spiritual before but all of a sudden life feels afe good happy and exciting. Even with my ex it never felt this good. I will forgive him and hope he feels the same lust for life as I am now feeling. This has showed me just because people go there own ways its not allways forever. I never thought I would see or speak with Vicki again. But I could not have asked for a better friend to call. Life is good just have to try and believe in mysery there is something good just behind it waiting to change your life. 18 octubre Wishes and DreamsMy beautiful daughter has taught me something so amazing about wishes and dreams. She and I cuddle every night before bed, we look for stars but usually wind up squinting at the street light and pretending its a shooting star. She wishes for the most incredible things, like for us to be beautiful princesses, for Jay to come over, for her brothers to be princesses too. She wishes for a two piece swim suit, and for me not to make her go to sleep. Some of her wishes are silly but honestly they are real to her.
Last night she said "mommy when are we going to jump into the TV " and I was like "huh" She looked at me with a very serious look and said "remember I wished that me and you and my brothers could jump into the TV" I almost cried she was so sincere! She believes in her wishes no matter how far fetched they are. She has her whole life to find out some dreams are harder to get then others. But she is so amazing to be so brave with her dreams and I am know that the important wishes I have made have come true. She is the best example of that!  14 octubre My SisterThis past few weeks have totally brought my sister and I so much closer, she is becoming my best friedn, ironic isnt it?
She has always been supportive in her own way but lately she has totally been my friend. I love her so much and it just show's me that even though some crappy times a true friend will always listen to your feelings, no matter how sad or annoying it may be. I just amd so happy to have my sister in my life she is alot like me... pretty cool!
Love you Snaggy 05 octubre Things Keep Getting Better Another amzing day, I really have to wonder why, all this good fortune, is blessing my life!
Three weeks ago it felt as if my world had bottomed out and I had no idea how it could ever feel better, but no matter what each tuime I start to worry or feel sad, god or something is right there with the answer to my problem. Like today I realised if my cheque did not arrive it would mean no going out this week end with my friends, and sure enough it came! It was 60 short of what I had been expecting and that meant I was going to be short for grocerys if I used it to go out, and I knew I would pick grocerys. On the way to the grocery store a lady handed me a $50 gift certificate and wished me a happy thanksgiving!!! I was so grateful but confused as I did not know her but she had just saved the day for me.
I am not really sure whats going on but every day it gets better and better and I feel great about life for the first time in a while so this thanks giving I am going to really give thanks to all my friends and family for everything they have done for me and my family and I will try to make someone else happier also.
Happy Thanks Giving To Everyone Of You 04 octubre So Happy To Know A Dear FriendThis afternoon I was so happy to get a phone call from my wonderful old friend Olivier, he called me as I had wanted to meet up with him sometime and he called and picked me up. We decided to go for a drink and it was so fun to see my old friend again. Nothing had changed except that he had developed some road rage :) He was exsactly the same as when we were 15, and apparently so was I ~ or so he said.
While we sat in the pub reminising we laughed about getting older, and all the crap that goes along with it. It was so wonderful to know my old friend again, he always has a way of making you feel so comfortable you just blab away, he tells the funniest stories and never passes judgement or critisizes. It was just a great time. He is joining us on Saturday night for drinks and a show...no I will not be the show :) But I am very happy as Saturday night I will be with my real friends who have always been there when I needed them. Its a mark for my new begining and god I feel great right now.
Take care all  |
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